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6 Pointless HR Job Interview Questions (And why they're so stupid)
Inspite of the fact that I never had any job in my life, I can write this article because I am, you know, just fucking omniscient.
Like God, except he is not that funny.
1. Why do you want to work for our company?
So, in front of you there is this gorgeous blonde that works for the HR department. Obviously you are there for the money. You know it. She knows it. (And I, as I already told you, am omniscient)
What should be your aproach to this question, other than grinding your teeth desperately trying to avoid the word "money"? Or "cash". Or "dollars". Or the fucking hardcore "paycheck".
This is one of the shitties question they could ask. It's driven only by their own megalomania, because they know there is just one thing you could say: how great and fucking known and heaven-like their company is.
Your answer: It's only honey and milk here, i've heard...only honey and milk...
So, given your only possible answer, the needlessness of this question is transparent. I could only suggest you to be hardcore and simply say: "I've heard the babes are really hot!" And wink dickishly .
2. What's the most difficult situation you had to face at your previous job?
Should you tell them about how you omitted to do backups and almost all the business died because of data loss after a hard drive failure?
Or about the time you got really drunk and gave away your company's laptop for some beer and had to lie about it being stolen? These were hard times for you, but an honest answer to this question won't get you far in life.
So here is what you, and all other people answer:
"What seemed to be a quiet and usual day turned out to be an unusual and pretty loud day. Because of the fire, everybody in the company was panicking, but i kept my coolness and calmness. I extinguished the fire and also sold fifty products in the same time. I am fucking gold to that company, I tell you. FUCKING GOLD."
This is you. Just being yourself.
Yet another question that is pointless because it doesn't give you any chance to be honest. You know you have to tell them how cool you are (they will think you are a jerk anyway).
3. How would you define yourself as a person?
Well, you can't tell them you're a grudging corny rapist with bad breath, can you?
Or maybe you can, but you could as well show them the finger.
This is, once again, a question that you cannot respond with honesty. Even the arrogant prick that you are is aware that there are more down-sides than up-sides to his personality.
It's simply another pointless question, that will test your creativity:
"I think I'm just that type of a guy, you know, that doesn't let go and manages to succeed in every given situation. I am enthusiastic and funny and friendly and absolutely not interested in a big salary and stealing my superior's job (or wife)"
The downside of you,as you described it: always available.
4. How do people find you?
Your answer is once again predictable:
"People think I'm just that type of a guy, you know, that doesn't let go and manages to suceed in every given situation. They think i am enthusiastic and funny and friendly and absolutely not interested in a big salary and stealing my superior's job (or wife). That's what they think, yes sir".
People.
5. What are your virtues?
WEll, if you don't forget to mention the length of your dick, then we have an interesting situation here.
A comparison perhaps? With a completely not dull excel chart centralizing all the answers?
Size matters.
But, you will probably forget. And this inexplicable amnesia of yours will transform this HR question in one of the most pointless questions in the history of mankind.
There are no points here either.
6. What are your hobbies?
Given that you are a male, your answer could be only "Sex".
If you're a female, you would probably answer: "shopping" or "clothes" or "nails" or "gossip" or "madonna" or whatever.
These, friends, are not acceptable answers, and you know it.
So once again, you are forced to lie. One of the most common answers is mountain climbing, for example.
I'm so into climbing ...uh...Himalaya like mountains.
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